Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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