I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
