No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
