I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
