did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
