The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
