Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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