well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We had to coat check the pizza.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
