Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Every concussion has its silver lining
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
