i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
