Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
