We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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