Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize