You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
