Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize