Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
