i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
