She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
