I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize