And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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