no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
