Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
