Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
