I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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