Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
