The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
