Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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