His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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