why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
