I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
