I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
