yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
