last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
