Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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