Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
