He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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