bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
