I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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