I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
