Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize