who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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