I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
