If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
