I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
