he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
