Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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