We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
