I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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