I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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