cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize