OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
