He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
NoShamevember. You game?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Randomize
