cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
