I love black thongs
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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