Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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