I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
