I got chris browned last night
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
