Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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