the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
All I want is dick and wine.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize