you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
