I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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