he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
