dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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