I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
