I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
