I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
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