Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I currently don't understand fingers.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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