We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
