hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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