More tranny stories later!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
