Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My penis needs a shock collar
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
