I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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